I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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