Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
