Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
