i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
