Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
