Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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