i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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