I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
