Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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