I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
