Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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