Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
