i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
