also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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