Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
