Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
im holly from the hills drunk
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
