Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
