Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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