i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
