Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
