can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
