Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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