Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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