I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
