We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize