So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
