THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
