I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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