but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
