That's intense
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
