this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
