I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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