i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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