And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
