So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dick very happy bro
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
