Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
