so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
