Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
