Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
