Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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