all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize