im holly from the hills drunk
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
