she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize