If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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