They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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