he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
