I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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