He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Drake has all the answers
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize