He uses pillows to masturbate.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
