There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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