yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
