I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
