It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
