also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
