What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
