Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
