addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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