I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
