A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
