Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
