nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
