remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
