Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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