Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
