I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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