Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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