he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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