There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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