Pants 0. Shit 1.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Randomize
