i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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