Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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