guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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