I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
