is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
