I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
