There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
