Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
