I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
