you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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