Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize