I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
