I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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