wakey wakey hands off snakey
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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