dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Even my vagina gasped.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
