There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize