I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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