thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
