I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
