i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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