I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
