whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
