It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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