I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
