you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
