I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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