it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize