love makes seman taste better
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
