I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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